There are somethings that I never want to hear again. Things like, “can’t you just be happy, you’re being dramatic, or it’s all in your head”. These are just a few of many comments family and friends made when they couldn’t understand what I was going through. These comments hurt and they are not encouraging to someone that is having issues. These comments made me feel like I needed to get over things, that my opinions and thoughts didn’t matter and that I was overreacting.
It is so hard to admit that someone we loved/cared for has harmed us. In my journey there were times I made excuses for others and in the end it stalled my healing process. It is OK to not always feel happy and it is ok to seem dramatic to others. This is your life and your family and friends are not inside your head. There will be times that those around you cannot relate to your anxiety, depression or pain. Your trauma is not always going to be relatable. Most around you have not experienced things the same way you have.
I think it is safe to say that in most cases the comments of family and friends are made in an attempt to try to be helpful and encouraging. However, if their comments are hurtful to you it is OK to set boundaries and tell them that their comments are hurtful. After I learned this I can’t remember regretting a time where I told someone they were being hurtful to me.
What you tell yourself, the inner conversations you have with yourself and what you allow to happen around you is very important. For me it has been very liberating to be able to set boundaries. It may be hard to admit, but whatever you are not changing you are choosing. In this whole healing process the only person I ever lost and needed back was myself. Do not get to the point where you have been gaslighted so often that you start to doubt your own thoughts/feelings and begin overthinking everything. Healing from trauma is hard enough on its own do not make it any harder on yourself.