Mindfulness=Happiness

The number one question I get from people is how am I always so happy and positive💕For me mindfulness is the key to my happiness because it takes away my stress🙇🏻‍♀️➡️😁 Making an active decision to bring one’s attention to the present is the practice of mindfulness.

It can be difficult sometimes with all of life’s distractions to keep one’s attention in the present moment. Mindfulness isn’t easily maintained and can require lots of practice to get one’s focus back on the present. Some individuals find that by focusing on the senses of sound, feelings in the moment or other real time sensations they are able to better focus on the present. There are many teachings/therapy models that involve mindfulness practices🧠

A simple google search can attest to what stress can do to our mind and bodies. I think we call all agree that the health implications linked to stress alone are very disturbing. Pinpointing where your individual stress is coming from is the first step to eradicating stress from your life. If you feel that overthinking a situation or spending more time focusing on other things besides the present moment is causing your stress, practicing mindfulness can be beneficial to making a positive thought change💡

Being mindful of the present can direct our thoughts and focus away from these stressors. This isn’t to be confused with making future plans/goals. These types of future thinking and planning shouldn’t be stressful, but should help facilitate growth and positive change. You don’t want to eliminate them. Dwelling on what is to come or what needs to be done however can cause stress. Take time to listen to yourself and understand your own thoughts📖

I have found that by allowing myself some quiet time alone with my thoughts or to meditate helps me better focus on the present. Studies have shown that people who are able to practice mindfulness are better at managing their depression and anxiety. It is worth the effort to strive to be more mindful and aware of the present. Positive thinking is a gift and it can transform your life. Remember one day at a time😉

Impress No One, but Yourself

I have always loved the quote, “𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝, 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭, 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞” (Will Rogers). I am a person that beats to my own little drum. Sometimes it has caused me a lot of grief to be different and to ignore the opinion of others. Trying to be something I am not seems like so much extra work🤷🏻‍♀️

For me I’m going to wear, do, eat and visit based on how it effects my own happiness. I don’t worry with someone else’s opinions when it comes to making these decisions. I don’t understand wanting to impress other people in this way and I highly discourage it. Being different isn’t easy and some people may judge you for being you. Let them! This is their own insecurities and has nothing to do with you🎭

Why worry about impressing other people or doing things you don’t like because you want to fit in? In the end changing who you are will make you miserable because you are suppressing your own desires, wants and likes. If colors makes you happy and everyone is wearing black don’t be afraid to be different and dress like a rainbow. If others around you choose to support certain social or political causes and they don’t resonate with you then don’t be bullied into changing your beliefs. If you enjoy reading and books aren’t cool among your friends keep reading anyway 📚

There are many examples of conforming and there is no need to alter yourself just to gain fake friends/followers or to be accepted. The things that make you unique also, make you stand out. In my own life I’ve had people actually make fun of me and then turn around and copy the exact thing I was being picked at over. Strive to ignore others and only be in competition with yourself🥇

There are more people who choose to be followers because they are too scared to be a leader. We need more strong leaders in this world. People that aren’t afraid to be themselves, to make a stand and to shine. You might be surprised how many people see you as a leader and are waiting for you to make your stand. In a flock of pigeons don’t be afraid to be the flamingo 🦩

Be Your Own Cheerleader

For me coming from a small town where everybody knew my family back multiple-generations preconceive notions about me based on my last name were very common. Growing up I had many people to discourage me for wanting to strive to do good in school and to be able to make something out of myself. I was the first person in my family to attend a University and get a four year degree, followed by higher education.🙂

Education was not valued by my family. Many family members felt they had done well without it. Some people in my family were of old school values and had the opinion that a woman should only strive to get married, have children and tend the home. That is awesome if those are your views too, but it was not my dream. I even had some teachers in school to discourage me from applying to college, to tell me I was not college material and suggest I marry a nice farmer🤷🏻‍♀️

My point of sharing this part of my life with you is to let you know that sometimes even the people we look up to or love the most might not provide the support and encouragement that we want. Sometimes you are going to have to be your own cheerleader! If you want something and it is your dream do not let anyone discourage you from it. For me walking across that stage at commencement to get my MBA was my golden moment💪🏼

You might have to work twice as hard to achieve what you want than others with support, but it is so worth it. It is not selfish to make yourself a priority and to put yourself at the top of your to do list. If the people around you don’t want to be supportive then find people that do💕

Words

There are somethings that I never want to hear again. Things like, “can’t you just be happy, you’re being dramatic, or it’s all in your head”. These are just a few of many comments family and friends made when they couldn’t understand what I was going through. These comments hurt and they are not encouraging to someone that is having issues. These comments made me feel like I needed to get over things, that my opinions and thoughts didn’t matter and that I was overreacting.

It is so hard to admit that someone we loved/cared for has harmed us. In my journey there were times I made excuses for others and in the end it stalled my healing process. It is OK to not always feel happy and it is ok to seem dramatic to others. This is your life and your family and friends are not inside your head. There will be times that those around you cannot relate to your anxiety, depression or pain. Your trauma is not always going to be relatable. Most around you have not experienced things the same way you have.

I think it is safe to say that in most cases the comments of family and friends are made in an attempt to try to be helpful and encouraging. However, if their comments are hurtful to you it is OK to set boundaries and tell them that their comments are hurtful. After I learned this I can’t remember regretting a time where I told someone they were being hurtful to me.

What you tell yourself, the inner conversations you have with yourself and what you allow to happen around you is very important. For me it has been very liberating to be able to set boundaries. It may be hard to admit, but whatever you are not changing you are choosing. In this whole healing process the only person I ever lost and needed back was myself. Do not get to the point where you have been gaslighted so often that you start to doubt your own thoughts/feelings and begin overthinking everything. Healing from trauma is hard enough on its own do not make it any harder on yourself.

Beautifully Flawed

Recovering from trauma is sometimes hard to explain to someone that hasn’t experienced it. The best way I can make it relatable is to say life after trauma is like knowing how to walk, but having to remind yourself multiple times daily that you have to put one foot in front of the other. To remember kindness and to unlearn the reactions to being hurt and to replace the bad memories with good ones is a journey.

I used to think I was broken, flawed and unrepairable. I wanted to rewind time and get back the person I was before anything happened to me. It took a lot of reflecting to understand I would never be the same woman I was before and that it was ok. I learned to embrace the scars both physically and mentally. Then one day something happened and I realized being flawed IS truly beautiful.

Most people have had some sort of trauma in their lives. Some maybe have not experienced abuse,assault or domestic violence, but pain lingers all the same. If you feel that you are flawed because of your experiences know that you are truly beautiful!

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less of a person because of experiences that were out of your control. People are going to judge you without getting to know your story; it will hurt, but you will survive this too. Being beautifully flawed is being a survivor of your misfortunes and coming out all the more resilient.

Like a diamond which forms under heat and pressure sometimes we become the most beautiful after the trials and tribulations. So, learn to trust again even if you were taken advantage of. Be kind even if you were show the darkest side of evil. Be the light to others and don’t let anything change the person you were meant to be. Make sure the negative doesn’t win. Like a diamond shine after being under pressure. Be proud to show the world how beautifully flawed you are.

You’ll Never Regret Being Kind

Growing up my daddy used to say to me to not get too far ahead of myself. If a person thought they were getting two steps ahead something could easily come along and knock them two steps back. Sometimes when we get that flying high, everything is going good feeling we tend to get a little careless or maybe it’s we let our guard down.

I’m not sure exactly what happens, but I know whenever I start relishing on the feeling of everything going good it seems the old devil rears his head up and smack something bad come along. This has happened to me so many times in my life I actually started to get a bit anxious about things when it seemed everything is going good.

I had to remedy this anxiety though and remind myself that life is about change and that everything in life isn’t going to be all good or bad. Life is a mix of experiences and the important part is how we deal with highs and lows. There is always going to be that negative person for example and their negativity alone can be enough to put a cog in your happiness.

Bad things are going to happen, some we will bring upon ourselves and others will come out of nowhere. Learning to deal with the negativity though is essential to having a happy life. We all have bad days, weeks or sometimes months. Yet, we can’t get too ahead of ourselves anxiously awaiting what could happen next. Don’t sabotage your own happiness.

When you feel overwhelmed remember it is ok to take a break! It’s ok to reach out for support if you need it too. Take time out and relax instead of letting the stress get to you. Find a positive outlet and remember to rest. We must not get overwhelmed, but instead live in the now and try to focus on whatever positives we do have. You can regret a lot of things, but you’ll never regret being kind-even if it’s to yourself 💕

Setting Boundaries

We all have that one person in our life… You know the one that if you give an inch they take a mile. That friend, co-worker or family member that will literally keep taking from you until they literally suck the joy out of you if you let them.

For me I am a very giving person…the type that gives money to someone that needs it, brings soup or a meal to someone down and sick, sends cards, makes random sweets to share, has given parties for friends to celebrate their special day or accomplishments, someone who asks others what I can do to help them and many other acts of selflessness. I am not tooting my own horn here and I do these things because I genuinely like other people and wish to do nice things for them.

However, in the recent year I have had someone in my life that is very sick. Due to caring for this individual I had to change things like how many celebrations/parties I had at my house for events and for others. Life changed, and I had to dial things back a bit.

Out of all the friends (I thought I had) only a couple texted to ask was I ok, was the family member ok, could they help me by taking this person to a doctor’s appointment, bring over a meal or just come by to visit. Turns out when my giving and the festivities ended so did the friends! No random calls, cards, ect like I had shared with others or attention to my sick family member like I had given to theirs. I ask myself what did I do to these people…why aren’t they the friend to me like I have been to them? This made me not only sad, but also, sucked out my joy.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so please know you are not alone. My experience with this taught me that setting limits and boundaries up is important. Do not to let other people dull your sparkle or suck your joy from you. It is completely ok and appropriate to tell someone else no. It is also, ok to let people know how you expect to be treated or to remove yourself from a negative situation.

Boundaries though often not talked about are an important part of our own mental health and should be respected. I wish I would have understood the necessity of boundaries earlier in my life and held people more accountable for their actions. Remember you do not ever have to tolerate people that treat you poorly. Keep your head up and make yourself a priority!

Sunday Scaries

Sometimes starting a new week can be scary. For those with anxiety it can be especially challenging to think about what the new upcoming week can bring. There are ways to help deal with these worries though.

Instead of spending Sunday evening dreading the new week approaching or going back to work on Monday try focusing on the good that the new week can bring. I have attached a printable example of some thoughtful prompts to reflect on each day of the new week. I have found that looking at the possibility of the positives to come in the new week is very calming.

Sometimes writing positive prompts on each new day in your planner can be helpful too. Prompts like, “my new week goals”, “what made me smile today” and “what I was thankful for today”, can help direct your mind onto more positive thoughts each day. Don’t let the Sunday Scaries get you down! I hope you all have an amazing week.

Are you happy?

Are you happy? (I mean really wholeheartedly happy) Don’t think too much into the question, you should easily be able to answer yes or no. If your answer is yes then congratulations 🙌🏼 I am glad that you are happy today! Now go share that happy and joy with others. If your answer was no, don’t feel bad the sadness and hurt is not permanent.

When I was depressed and really unhappy I would try to remember in my mind the last time that I was happy. I would then try to figure out if I was happy in that moment because of a person, a place or a thing. This was a mistake because I was trying to figure how to replicate the moment to get my happy back.

In a previous blog I talked about the error in linking our own happiness to tangible things or people because we may not always have them. Don’t depend on others for your happiness. The goal to happiness is to figure out what makes you happy as a person (no one else, just you) Feelings of sadness, hurt or depressed are not going to last forever. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.

When I was at my lowest a friend gave me a card (shared) and on the front of it were positive affirmations. I did not understand positive thinking and it’s effects back then, but I did feel good every time I read the front of the card. I read those positive affirmations on good days and bad. In doing so I was taking a step away from negativity. Honestly the first step towards your happiness is easy because it begins with you being kind to yourself.

When I was feeling down I would always be very critical and hard on myself. This is one of the worst things you can do and it certainly will not improve your mood. You may not be able to change your whole situation right now, or make major changes, but you can make small changes. Positive affirmations and being kind to yourself are key. Remind yourself that your story is not over and that you can escape these feelings of hurt, negativity and depression. No matter how big or small do something today that really makes you happy!

Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud…

Dirty little feet from being barefoot, cotton dress, running around a farm kind of happy!

Hi for those that are new here I’m Krystle. It has been almost a month now of me Life Coaching/Encouragement blogging. I have really enjoyed coming up with new ideas for blog post, answering questions that people have sent me and opening myself up more on social media. I really believe that we all have a gift or some thing that makes us very unique. We can learn from each other and we need to share with each other.

I have had a few direct messages where people have pointed out that it looks like I have a, “perfect life”, so how can I possibly understand someone that is having a hard time or that I am pretty, so how can I understand the difficulties that come with having skin issues, scars ect. First, off I would like to say, that I appreciate the fact that you find me to be pretty or that you think the things I post are interesting and are worthy of being called perfect.

It is true my life is very good now and yes I am very happy. Things were not always this way though. Like everyone I’ve had my own difficulties and experienced death and feeling the pain that goes with it, including the loss of a parent. Other things in my life haven’t been so typical though like surviving assault (#metoo) and domestic violence. I do not share these things in hopes that you will sympathize with me, but I want you the reader to know that I too have been through my share of pain and trauma. I understand more than many give me credit for.

I know what it is like to not want to get out of bed in the morning, what it is like to not want to live another day, to wear dark sunglasses with gobs of makeup to hide bruises and I know all too well what it is like to hit rock bottom. Even though I can hide the scars I can’t forget my past and I learned how to overcome it. I know that I am a survivor and I am strong!

Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud, but if a part of my journey can help someone else to see a light at the end of their own trauma tunnel then I have served a purpose. Social media is packed with beautiful pictures and cute stories, but I know all too well that sometimes darkness and evil lurks behind those beautiful staged pictures. This is why I advocate so much for people to be kind to each other. If I wouldn’t have had a few small gestures of kindness in my life during the dark times who knows where I might be.