- Chains of Judgment
Are you letting other people hold you back from living your best life? I remember holding my dad’s hand and asking him on his deathbed was there anything he wished he would have done. He didn’t say anything about pleasing other people during his life.
Ask yourself, why are you worrying about what others think about you? What do other’s opinions of you really matter when they don’t add to your life. Whatever it is that is holding you back no matter if it is your own fears or the worry about others and their judgment, we all have to learn to spread our wings and fly away from the chains of judgment (self inflicted or otherwise).
Spending your time worrying about other people and their judgmental opinions is not worth your time. Worrying about them changes nothing and only interferes with your own inner peace. For me I made a decision a long time ago that I am not going to let people or their opinions live rent free in my mind.
The world is full of judgmental people and many of them have nothing to do, but to sit and judge. How pathetic of a life a judgmental person leads. People are going to talk about you no matter what! If you think that you will get to a place where people will eventually leave you alone I think you are deceiving yourself.
Unless, someone is in a position where you want to be I would disregard other’s opinions about you and your life all together. Strive to take the advice of a mentor or someone trained to help you in your journey. Someone looking to help you isn’t going to judge or tear you down they are going to help you level up.
I hope you too can break free from the chains of judgmental people. Remember worrying about other people and their opinions is not worth your time. Spend that time cherishing your moments and making lots of memories before you can’t. Get out there and go live your best life NOW!
I recently had family over in my home for the first time in awhile due to the pandemic. It felt good to cook a meal for them and to safely gather. I was beyond grateful for this moment. When it was over I sat and reflected how I have taken for granted gatherings like this hundreds of times before.
This past year has been very difficult for many. During this time I confirmed something my dad told me long ago, that if you are thankful you will not be as fearful or worried. This is not to say that all will magically be perfect in your life, but by redirecting your mind and focus to things that you are thankful for does make a big difference (in mood and thoughts).
So many people are scared to speak on many topics right now. Scared they will come off as insensitive, saying something that will cost them friends or followers. I have seen people lash out at each other, unfriend each other, and be so unkind. People are visibly becoming more divided and on edge.
No mater if you side with the right or the left remember we are all humans. Turn your focus from the likes, follows and trying to be of popular opinion and take time to be kind to your fellow man/woman, say thank you to others and be slow to speak.
I think we can agree that we all have something we can be thankful for and that we could all use more love, kindness and support in our lives. I am in control of my thoughts and I will not let the negativity seep in. Give yourself a moment and reflect on something you are thankful for today.
Is it just me or have we become hung up on numbers? The number on the scale, the number (size) of the dress/pants, the number of calories in a donut, the magic number (age) a person “should”, be to get married, have had children, buy a home, finish school, have the dream job, the number on the bank statement and if a person is successful, the number of followers, likes, and comments on social media.
On your deathbed will you look back and care about the numbers? Obsessing over numbers isn’t healthy and not everything we see is real. The numbers can lie. Focusing on our numbers in comparison to others isn’t the best practice of self love either.
I want to remind you that we each bloom in our own time and season. It is great to strive to be better and motivate oneself pushing towards a goal, but don’t compare yourself in the process. Everyone is unique and different. In addition if you are a person that preaches to your friends on how they, “should be” (in comparison to yourself) please also, reconsider your approach.
Remember people can go back to school as senior citizens, some women have babies in their 40s or not at all, people have gotten married at 90, people without a 6 figure income are successful in their own right too, some people are healthy according to their doctor or by their height at a higher weight/larger dress or pant size and not every big account on social media got there with organic growth.
Do not be deceived that you don’t measure up by comparing your numbers to those of others. Live the best life that works for you, do things in moderation and do what makes you happy. Make decisions based on you and your family’s needs and not what society is telling you to do. It is better to be authentic than accepted. If you start to ignore all the numbers you might just find you are a little happier 💕
- Best Advice for Sticking to a Routine
Many of us try to get into a routine, whether it’s exercising and eating healthy, financial habits, or staying free of clutter. The hardest thing for most people is to stick to it long enough for it to become ingrained. Once you get into the habit of doing something, it’s much easier to keep going – it’s building that habit that’s difficult.
Most of us want to be healthier, workout more, eat whole foods instead of junk foods, be more positive, and so on, but if we’re not motivated to do it, it’s easy to procrastinate until tomorrow becomes a year, or even a decade.
This advice can help make it finally happen now.
Take Advantage of a Life Change
Many ingrained habits are associated with cues from your current schedule and environment. Recently, I had a family member for example, that was faced with a major life change. This life change was buying a new home among the Washington, DC houses for sale. A move can be scary, but it is also, a great time to establish a new routine because many things will be changing anyway. New habits will feel like less of a shock when they’re part of a bigger transition. This is something that has even been proven by science – researchers, led by Dartmouth College Dr. Todd F. Heatherton, found that more than 35 percent of successful changes were linked with moving to a new location.
Focus on What Motivates You
If you can keep your “eye on the prize,” focusing on what motivates you, you can use that for inspiration to keep going, helping to make your new routine an established habit. For example, if you’re trying to eat healthier to eliminate or decrease symptoms of illness, think about how much better you’ll feel. By concentrating on how you’ll feel once you achieve your goals, it can help you stay on track.
Don’t Make it Difficult
If your new routine involves going to the gym four times a week, be sure you have your exercise clothing and other gear packed the day before. If you wait until the last minute and can’t find something you need, it can be easy to give up and forego it altogether. If you’ve been struggling to eat healthy at work, prepare meals ahead of time so they’ll be ready to grab and go. Or maybe your goal is to get into the habit of thoroughly cleaning the house every Saturday morning – be sure you have all the cleaning tools you need before Saturday rolls around. The easier you can make it on yourself, the better.
Reward Yourself for Accomplishing Smaller Goals
It’s important to set smaller goals on the way to reaching bigger ones so that it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. Define a more progressive set of goals, stepping stones that allow you to build up to your primary goals. You can make this work by giving yourself a reward that will keep you motivated every time you accomplish one. When you don’t, you might donate a preset amount of money to a charity, family member, or friend.
Share your intentions for a new routine with a friend, or perhaps on social media. If you only have yourself to account for, it’s a lot easier to skip it. If you know someone who wants to develop the same new routine, even better as you can motivate each other. Surrounding yourself with others who encourage better habits is one of the best ways to develop and stick to a new routine.
- Mindfulness=HappinessThe number one question I get from people is how am I always so happy and positive💕For me mindfulness is the key to my happiness because it takes away my stress🙇🏻♀️➡️😁 Making an active decision to bring one’s attention to the present is the practice of mindfulness. It can be difficult sometimes with all of life’s distractions to keep one’s attention in the present moment. Mindfulness isn’t easily maintained and can require lots of practice to get one’s focus back on the present. Some individuals find that by focusing on the senses of sound, feelings in the moment or other real time sensations they are able to better focus on the present. There are many teachings/therapy models that involve mindfulness practices🧠 A simple google search can attest to what stress can do to our mind and bodies. I think we call all agree that the health implications linked to stress alone are very disturbing. Pinpointing where your individual stress is coming from is the first step to eradicating stress from your life. If you feel that overthinking a situation or spending more time focusing on other things besides the present moment is causing your stress, practicing mindfulness can be beneficial to making a positive thought change💡 Being mindful of the present can direct our thoughts and focus away from these stressors. This isn’t to be confused with making future plans/goals. These types of future thinking and planning shouldn’t be stressful, but should help facilitate growth and positive change. You don’t want to eliminate them. Dwelling on what is to come or what needs to be done however can cause stress. Take time to listen to yourself and understand your own thoughts📖 I have found that by allowing myself some quiet time alone with my thoughts or to meditate helps me better focus on the present. Studies have shown that people who are able to practice mindfulness are better at managing their depression and anxiety. It is worth the effort to strive to be more mindful and aware of the present. Positive thinking is a gift and it can transform your life. Remember one day at a time😉
- Impress No One, but Yourself
I have always loved the quote, “𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝, 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭, 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞” (Will Rogers). I am a person that beats to my own little drum. Sometimes it has caused me a lot of grief to be different and to ignore the opinion of others. Trying to be something I am not seems like so much extra work🤷🏻♀️
For me I’m going to wear, do, eat and visit based on how it effects my own happiness. I don’t worry with someone else’s opinions when it comes to making these decisions. I don’t understand wanting to impress other people in this way and I highly discourage it. Being different isn’t easy and some people may judge you for being you. Let them! This is their own insecurities and has nothing to do with you🎭
Why worry about impressing other people or doing things you don’t like because you want to fit in? In the end changing who you are will make you miserable because you are suppressing your own desires, wants and likes. If colors makes you happy and everyone is wearing black don’t be afraid to be different and dress like a rainbow. If others around you choose to support certain social or political causes and they don’t resonate with you then don’t be bullied into changing your beliefs. If you enjoy reading and books aren’t cool among your friends keep reading anyway 📚
There are many examples of conforming and there is no need to alter yourself just to gain fake friends/followers or to be accepted. The things that make you unique also, make you stand out. In my own life I’ve had people actually make fun of me and then turn around and copy the exact thing I was being picked at over. Strive to ignore others and only be in competition with yourself🥇
There are more people who choose to be followers because they are too scared to be a leader. We need more strong leaders in this world. People that aren’t afraid to be themselves, to make a stand and to shine. You might be surprised how many people see you as a leader and are waiting for you to make your stand. In a flock of pigeons don’t be afraid to be the flamingo 🦩
- Be Your Own Cheerleader
For me coming from a small town where everybody knew my family back multiple-generations preconceive notions about me based on my last name were very common. Growing up I had many people to discourage me for wanting to strive to do good in school and to be able to make something out of myself. I was the first person in my family to attend a University and get a four year degree, followed by higher education.🙂
Education was not valued by my family. Many family members felt they had done well without it. Some people in my family were of old school values and had the opinion that a woman should only strive to get married, have children and tend the home. That is awesome if those are your views too, but it was not my dream. I even had some teachers in school to discourage me from applying to college, to tell me I was not college material and suggest I marry a nice farmer🤷🏻♀️
My point of sharing this part of my life with you is to let you know that sometimes even the people we look up to or love the most might not provide the support and encouragement that we want. Sometimes you are going to have to be your own cheerleader! If you want something and it is your dream do not let anyone discourage you from it. For me walking across that stage at commencement to get my MBA was my golden moment💪🏼
You might have to work twice as hard to achieve what you want than others with support, but it is so worth it. It is not selfish to make yourself a priority and to put yourself at the top of your to do list. If the people around you don’t want to be supportive then find people that do💕
There are somethings that I never want to hear again. Things like, “can’t you just be happy, you’re being dramatic, or it’s all in your head”. These are just a few of many comments family and friends made when they couldn’t understand what I was going through. These comments hurt and they are not encouraging to someone that is having issues. These comments made me feel like I needed to get over things, that my opinions and thoughts didn’t matter and that I was overreacting.
It is so hard to admit that someone we loved/cared for has harmed us. In my journey there were times I made excuses for others and in the end it stalled my healing process. It is OK to not always feel happy and it is ok to seem dramatic to others. This is your life and your family and friends are not inside your head. There will be times that those around you cannot relate to your anxiety, depression or pain. Your trauma is not always going to be relatable. Most around you have not experienced things the same way you have.
I think it is safe to say that in most cases the comments of family and friends are made in an attempt to try to be helpful and encouraging. However, if their comments are hurtful to you it is OK to set boundaries and tell them that their comments are hurtful. After I learned this I can’t remember regretting a time where I told someone they were being hurtful to me.
What you tell yourself, the inner conversations you have with yourself and what you allow to happen around you is very important. For me it has been very liberating to be able to set boundaries. It may be hard to admit, but whatever you are not changing you are choosing. In this whole healing process the only person I ever lost and needed back was myself. Do not get to the point where you have been gaslighted so often that you start to doubt your own thoughts/feelings and begin overthinking everything. Healing from trauma is hard enough on its own do not make it any harder on yourself.
- Beautifully Flawed
Recovering from trauma is sometimes hard to explain to someone that hasn’t experienced it. The best way I can make it relatable is to say life after trauma is like knowing how to walk, but having to remind yourself multiple times daily that you have to put one foot in front of the other. To remember kindness and to unlearn the reactions to being hurt and to replace the bad memories with good ones is a journey.
I used to think I was broken, flawed and unrepairable. I wanted to rewind time and get back the person I was before anything happened to me. It took a lot of reflecting to understand I would never be the same woman I was before and that it was ok. I learned to embrace the scars both physically and mentally. Then one day something happened and I realized being flawed IS truly beautiful.
Most people have had some sort of trauma in their lives. Some maybe have not experienced abuse,assault or domestic violence, but pain lingers all the same. If you feel that you are flawed because of your experiences know that you are truly beautiful!
Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less of a person because of experiences that were out of your control. People are going to judge you without getting to know your story; it will hurt, but you will survive this too. Being beautifully flawed is being a survivor of your misfortunes and coming out all the more resilient.
Like a diamond which forms under heat and pressure sometimes we become the most beautiful after the trials and tribulations. So, learn to trust again even if you were taken advantage of. Be kind even if you were show the darkest side of evil. Be the light to others and don’t let anything change the person you were meant to be. Make sure the negative doesn’t win. Like a diamond shine after being under pressure. Be proud to show the world how beautifully flawed you are.
- You’ll Never Regret Being Kind
Growing up my daddy used to say to me to not get too far ahead of myself. If a person thought they were getting two steps ahead something could easily come along and knock them two steps back. Sometimes when we get that flying high, everything is going good feeling we tend to get a little careless or maybe it’s we let our guard down.
I’m not sure exactly what happens, but I know whenever I start relishing on the feeling of everything going good it seems the old devil rears his head up and smack something bad come along. This has happened to me so many times in my life I actually started to get a bit anxious about things when it seemed everything is going good.
I had to remedy this anxiety though and remind myself that life is about change and that everything in life isn’t going to be all good or bad. Life is a mix of experiences and the important part is how we deal with highs and lows. There is always going to be that negative person for example and their negativity alone can be enough to put a cog in your happiness.
Bad things are going to happen, some we will bring upon ourselves and others will come out of nowhere. Learning to deal with the negativity though is essential to having a happy life. We all have bad days, weeks or sometimes months. Yet, we can’t get too ahead of ourselves anxiously awaiting what could happen next. Don’t sabotage your own happiness.
When you feel overwhelmed remember it is ok to take a break! It’s ok to reach out for support if you need it too. Take time out and relax instead of letting the stress get to you. Find a positive outlet and remember to rest. We must not get overwhelmed, but instead live in the now and try to focus on whatever positives we do have. You can regret a lot of things, but you’ll never regret being kind-even if it’s to yourself 💕
- Setting Boundaries
We all have that one person in our life… You know the one that if you give an inch they take a mile. That friend, co-worker or family member that will literally keep taking from you until they literally suck the joy out of you if you let them.
For me I am a very giving person…the type that gives money to someone that needs it, brings soup or a meal to someone down and sick, sends cards, makes random sweets to share, has given parties for friends to celebrate their special day or accomplishments, someone who asks others what I can do to help them and many other acts of selflessness. I am not tooting my own horn here and I do these things because I genuinely like other people and wish to do nice things for them.
However, in the recent year I have had someone in my life that is very sick. Due to caring for this individual I had to change things like how many celebrations/parties I had at my house for events and for others. Life changed, and I had to dial things back a bit.
Out of all the friends (I thought I had) only a couple texted to ask was I ok, was the family member ok, could they help me by taking this person to a doctor’s appointment, bring over a meal or just come by to visit. Turns out when my giving and the festivities ended so did the friends! No random calls, cards, ect like I had shared with others or attention to my sick family member like I had given to theirs. I ask myself what did I do to these people…why aren’t they the friend to me like I have been to them? This made me not only sad, but also, sucked out my joy.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so please know you are not alone. My experience with this taught me that setting limits and boundaries up is important. Do not to let other people dull your sparkle or suck your joy from you. It is completely ok and appropriate to tell someone else no. It is also, ok to let people know how you expect to be treated or to remove yourself from a negative situation.
Boundaries though often not talked about are an important part of our own mental health and should be respected. I wish I would have understood the necessity of boundaries earlier in my life and held people more accountable for their actions. Remember you do not ever have to tolerate people that treat you poorly. Keep your head up and make yourself a priority!
- Sunday Scaries
Sometimes starting a new week can be scary. For those with anxiety it can be especially challenging to think about what the new upcoming week can bring. There are ways to help deal with these worries though.
Instead of spending Sunday evening dreading the new week approaching or going back to work on Monday try focusing on the good that the new week can bring. I have attached a printable example of some thoughtful prompts to reflect on each day of the new week. I have found that looking at the possibility of the positives to come in the new week is very calming.
Sometimes writing positive prompts on each new day in your planner can be helpful too. Prompts like, “my new week goals”, “what made me smile today” and “what I was thankful for today”, can help direct your mind onto more positive thoughts each day. Don’t let the Sunday Scaries get you down! I hope you all have an amazing week.
- Are you happy?
Are you happy? (I mean really wholeheartedly happy) Don’t think too much into the question, you should easily be able to answer yes or no. If your answer is yes then congratulations 🙌🏼 I am glad that you are happy today! Now go share that happy and joy with others. If your answer was no, don’t feel bad the sadness and hurt is not permanent.
When I was depressed and really unhappy I would try to remember in my mind the last time that I was happy. I would then try to figure out if I was happy in that moment because of a person, a place or a thing. This was a mistake because I was trying to figure how to replicate the moment to get my happy back.
In a previous blog I talked about the error in linking our own happiness to tangible things or people because we may not always have them. Don’t depend on others for your happiness. The goal to happiness is to figure out what makes you happy as a person (no one else, just you) Feelings of sadness, hurt or depressed are not going to last forever. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.
When I was at my lowest a friend gave me a card (shared) and on the front of it were positive affirmations. I did not understand positive thinking and it’s effects back then, but I did feel good every time I read the front of the card. I read those positive affirmations on good days and bad. In doing so I was taking a step away from negativity. Honestly the first step towards your happiness is easy because it begins with you being kind to yourself.
When I was feeling down I would always be very critical and hard on myself. This is one of the worst things you can do and it certainly will not improve your mood. You may not be able to change your whole situation right now, or make major changes, but you can make small changes. Positive affirmations and being kind to yourself are key. Remind yourself that your story is not over and that you can escape these feelings of hurt, negativity and depression. No matter how big or small do something today that really makes you happy!
- Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud…
Hi for those that are new here I’m Krystle. It has been almost a month now of me Life Coaching/Encouragement blogging. I have really enjoyed coming up with new ideas for blog post, answering questions that people have sent me and opening myself up more on social media. I really believe that we all have a gift or some thing that makes us very unique. We can learn from each other and we need to share with each other.
I have had a few direct messages where people have pointed out that it looks like I have a, “perfect life”, so how can I possibly understand someone that is having a hard time or that I am pretty, so how can I understand the difficulties that come with having skin issues, scars ect. First, off I would like to say, that I appreciate the fact that you find me to be pretty or that you think the things I post are interesting and are worthy of being called perfect.
It is true my life is very good now and yes I am very happy. Things were not always this way though. Like everyone I’ve had my own difficulties and experienced death and feeling the pain that goes with it, including the loss of a parent. Other things in my life haven’t been so typical though like surviving assault (#metoo) and domestic violence. I do not share these things in hopes that you will sympathize with me, but I want you the reader to know that I too have been through my share of pain and trauma. I understand more than many give me credit for.
I know what it is like to not want to get out of bed in the morning, what it is like to not want to live another day, to wear dark sunglasses with gobs of makeup to hide bruises and I know all too well what it is like to hit rock bottom. Even though I can hide the scars I can’t forget my past and I learned how to overcome it. I know that I am a survivor and I am strong!
Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud, but if a part of my journey can help someone else to see a light at the end of their own trauma tunnel then I have served a purpose. Social media is packed with beautiful pictures and cute stories, but I know all too well that sometimes darkness and evil lurks behind those beautiful staged pictures. This is why I advocate so much for people to be kind to each other. If I wouldn’t have had a few small gestures of kindness in my life during the dark times who knows where I might be.
- The Key to Happiness
Don’t you wish happiness and confidence were something you could go buy at the store? Unfortunately, that isn’t the case and even the happiest of people have days they would like to feel just a little more relaxed, sunny or confident.
One of the best ways I’ve found to boost one’s happiness and over all mood is through self-affirmations. Even if no one else around you says kind things about you, you can certainly tell them to yourself. In doing this you will literally start to reprogram your mind to be more positive too.
It can be hard at first and self doubt and negativity may creep into you mind. Continue to focus on the positives though and remind yourself things like, “ you are smart, you are brave, you are unique, you are beautiful and (most importantly) you are worthy”! Let these positive affirmations resonate within you.
Like anything worth it you’ve got to work for it and being happy is no different. Don’t let the negativity in your own mind or comments from others get you down friends. Focus on the good things you have in life (even if they seem like small things). If you will do this everyday you’ll naturally start seeing the good around you and your many blessings. Before you know it you will have kicked the negativity out and let the happiness move in!
- The light is coming…don’t get discouraged
Each new day officially starts at midnight when it is still dark. Even though it’s dark out when we technically start a new day we know that the sun is soon on the way. All the forces of darkness can’t stop the sun from coming out. Think of this as an example that even though you might be in darkness right now the light is coming soon.
Sometimes our mind likes to tell us we are not where we need to be. Please know though even your anxiety, depression, troubles and bad breaks can’t keep you from your true purpose. It is OK to feel defeated, but do not remain sour. Be blameless and don’t attach your own difficulties to others.
Your feelings don’t always tell the truth. The negative voices telling you things like, “you won’t get out of debt, you won’t grow your business, you’ll never find a life partner, you can’t stop the disappointment in your life”, and many other negative thoughts are false. Everyone’s darkness is unique, but do not believe the lie that the darkness is permanent.
Sometimes we have to grow in the darkness to be able to accept the opportunities that are coming our way. It may not happen on your timetable, but you are on the path to leveling up. Even though it’s difficult we still must focus on the good and positive in our life during these difficult times. Believe that amazing things are coming your way. You might not see a way out now, but the light is coming! Do not get discouraged friends, you are doing great.
- Before the world told you who to be…
When I was a teenager I started competing in beauty pageants for scholarship money. There is always a time during a pageant weekend for rehearsals. During this time contestants practice and most also, see the competition for the first time. A lot of contestants find themselves feeling inadequate in certain ways after seeing the competition. Contestants sometimes start to doubt themselves and their capabilities. These little seeds of doubt caused by comparison cause many contestants to loose their focus and make mistakes that cost them the crown.
For me I’ve competed regionally, nationally and internationally in pageants brining home multiple crowns. I wasn’t always the most beautiful, smartest or talented women on stage, but I beamed confidence. Judges loved my down to Earth attitude and my girl next door look. I knew what only I had to offer and I wasn’t over polished or fake.
Real life isn’t a beauty pageant but, comparing yourself and competing with others can not only make you bitter, but it can also, change you as a person. If you haven’t learned to accept it yet, YOU are unique and have certain gifts and talents that are yours to mold and use. The world doesn’t need a planet full of people that all look and think a like. The world needs you and that little sparkle that makes you special.
Everyone is unique and has different talents and strengths. Figure out what it is that you do best, what you’re passionate about and give it your all. If you need help don’t be afraid to reach out and work with someone that’s trained to help you bring out the best in you. Remember, there are no limits to competing with yourself and the best part is you’ll never lose. As a tip try to only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Measuring your own success based on the successes of others is only setting yourself up for grief and failure.
Do not distract yourself from your own goals by worrying about the achievements of those around you. Strive to work towards your goals and to only be concerned with your own growth. The sooner you realize that you were born with a unique purpose and to channel all your energy into it the happier you’ll be. Stop comparing yourself to others because the results you are looking for lay only in your own hard work and dedication. If you can’t remember who you were…let me help you figure it out!
- A Garden of Love Grows Here…
I am sure you have heard the verse or term, “you reap what you sow”, which basically teaches that people will get back what they are putting out or giving. This is one of my favorite teachings! For me I have always related it to gardening or farming.
When planning a garden good soil, adequate water and sun are all factors that must be considered. These essentially good ingredients must be present for successful seed growth. Like gardening we too can sow seeds (both good and bad) and our decisions, actions and behaviors can result in success or consequences. This is not to say that bad things don’t happen to good people.
If you do not already know it being kind to someone else feels good! Personally, if I have been having an off day myself I have found that by smiling, opening/holding a door, letting someone in front of me or doing a small gesture of kindness for others made my day change for the better. I understand, some people are uncomfortable with giving others complements or talking to strangers and that is OK. It does not take a lot of effort though to kindly smile at another person, open/hold a door for them or let them into traffic. Little gestures of kindness are so important because if each person does their part we can fill the world with love.
Not everyone is going to be receptive of your kindness and that is OK too. Being kind is a choice and you are doing it for yourself. Think of being kind as love in action. What kind of, “seeds”, are you planting? Being kind, showing patience, being loving and inclusive to others all count as planting seeds of good.
What if that one kind remark, smile or gesture prevented another person from being negative towards others, or even on a larger scale prevent them from harming someone or themselves? This is why loving your neighbor, reflecting love and kindness towards everyone, loving yourself and refraining from judgment of others is so important . You never know exactly what another person is going through and how much they may need your kindness. Today can be just one day or it can be day one in your choice to sow kindness!
- Stop Hiding
I was recently inspired by the quote, “Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around- it can’t survive being shared”,(Brene Brian, PhD, L.W.S.W). It takes a lot of self-reflecting and healing to be able to move forward from certain situations and to share/talk about it.
To speak honestly, openly sharing what we feel,our good/bad experiences and who we are takes courage. To tell somebody else, “hey here’s my story and you are not alone”, can be difficult. I encourage you to remind yourself of this vulnerability and to remember to be kind to those that speak up.
Unfortunately, not all people are going to be kind though. Judgement happens as many people will immediately find someone to blame as a defense to their own pain or shame. In other words judgment can be a move of self-protection. Some people also, will choose to put up walls, defense mechanisms and shut down all together. It is natural to not want to be vulnerable. However, fears of someone judging us can prevent us from showing our genuine self to others if we let it.
Followers are going to hit the unfollow button, some friends are going to walk away and judgement will happen. If someone is not connecting with you then you need to realize they are not right for you or your life. Let them go! Do not sensor yourself or change because you’re worried about what others will think.
By being true to yourself and speaking the truth you will attract your tribe. A tribe that resonates with your beliefs, values and life. Promoting positivity and kindness is awesome, but don’t just post quotes and memes on your social media, get out there and live it. Be authentic, clap for other people, let people see how happy people live, inspire, encourage and show what love and kindness can do.
Making yourself a certain way just to be popular or fit in is FAKE! The world deserves better from you. Show your true self, do not be afraid to share your story and who you really are. Stop hiding because you never know who might need just what only you uniquely have to offer💕
- Less Bitter More Glitter
Did you know that unresolved stress often leads to negative health? Feelings of confusion, being unfilled and lost can be key reasons for unhappiness, dissatisfaction and in turn stress. Most often when people’s lives are not in sync with their values there’s a nagging feeling that something is not right.
Everyone is unique and stress can be hard to manage. There is no right path that will work for everyone. There is also, no standard answer for how to be happy, to feel fulfilled or find contentment. Only you can make the choice to work on you and maximize your potential, improving your life for the better. Sticking to your values/beliefs removes the inner conflict with yourself and can help you feel peace and in turn less stressed.
Growing up my Daddy, used to tell me that I could be the most beautiful, sweet peach in the world, but there would always be someone out there that didn’t like peaches. Take away-you cannot please everyone because everyone has their own perspectives, opinions and goals. Sometimes your values will not align with those of others. Unless you are causing harm to another person you shouldn’t have to change.
The mind has the power to create whatever we put our minds to both for good and bad. Sometimes people find it hard to accept that they may have a serious hand in attracting negative experiences. Removing things from your life that are causing you stress can help relieve feelings of unhappiness and confusion.
There is always going to be someone out there that is going to criticize, find fault and judge you. Don’t stress over it! Stressing over it will only cause you more unrest and it isn’t going to effect others. Take away anything negative and bitter in your life and look for people that sprinkle love, kindness and positivity around like it was glitter! We all need a cheerleader.
Finding a non-judge mental soundboard is difficult, but it is worth the effort for your own mental heath. Work on surrounding yourself with people that will empower, motivate and support you. Seek out people that listen more than they talk, trust your ability to make decisions and allow you to talk about/offer your views without judgement.
- Change the World By Being Yourself
Lots of conversations are had about change. Have you ever thought though that the best thing you can do to change the world is by being yourself? How we speak to ourselves actually has a great effect on how we deal with life and view ourselves. Being kind to yourself and loving yourself truly matters because only then can you effectively share love and true positivity with those around you.
You are awesome because you are unique! Be yourself and show the world who you are. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what your morals and values are. Our integrity, what we stand for and who we are is important. It should not be compromised just to have certain friends, fit into a group or follow the latest trend. Jumping on the latest bandwagon coming through is not necessarily good idea if their values and beliefs do not resonate with you.
Be the best person you can be, by making an effort to be accountable for your own actions. You might not can change the actions of those around you, but you can change your own. Did you know our fears, insecurities, experiences and past events are what are subconsciously internalized to makes up our limiting beliefs? If you have certain limiting beliefs you feel are not in line with your core values then make it a priority to work on adjusting them.
We must remember to ground our self-esteem on ourselves and not other people. Fitting in might feel good, but what good is it if at the end of the day you compromised your values or morals to do it. In the end this is going to leave you more full of self-doubt, confused inside and more hurt than not being accepted did. If something does not feel right do not let manipulation or guilt from other people or a group make you feel that you need to change to accommodate them or their beliefs. Be kind, be inclusive, be loving, but most importantly be YOU! Be a leader and not a follower, your tribe will find you, trust me.
- Flaws, Scars and Imperfections
Flaws make us uniquely us 💕 I have tons of freckles/moles from the sun, my wrinkles and scars on my skin. I wouldn’t change any of it though! Those scars all tell a story…some are a reminder of something I shouldn’t have done and others are a reminder of things I’m glad I did even if I got hurt a little. ⠀
Embrace who you are and don’t worry about what the world tells you to be. There are editing programs that give us a false reality when we look at our favorite celebrities or even some bloggers. I personally don’t want to use an app that makes myself appear thinner or erases part of me. I adjust the brightness and take out the shadows. Things others see as imperfections make me imperfectly me! ⠀
It takes awhile to get comfortable sometimes in your own skin, but it makes life’s journey so much easier 😘 Don’t be afraid to get out there and enjoy things because you’re scared what others will say. Like Michael Jordan said, “ You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. One day you’ll regret the things you didn’t do.⠀
- Happy in the Now
We have all told ourselves before, “I will be happy when….”. You know the times you’ve told yourself, when I get a new job I’ll be happy, when my child graduates high school and goes to college I’ll find time for me and I’ll be happy, when I can afford the car I want I’ll be happy, when I can fit into that dress I love I’ll be happy and the list goes on. Sometimes we do this out of habit and other times almost out of necessity to help ourselves through a bad day or time in our life.
Focusing on the, “future”, happy is ok as long as we are also, happy in the NOW too. What if things don’t go as planned or life throws us a curve ball and life doesn’t allow us all the things we attached to our conditions to be happy? Too much emphasis being put on all the future things we feel like we need to have, achieve or buy to be happy is really setting ourselves up to be miserable.
A simple google search will show you that stress is really taking it’s toll on people, their jobs,relationships and daily life. Why add more stress to yourself by putting yourself down about what you don’t yet have? Focusing on the good things you have now and how awesome you are doing right now might be hard at first, but with a little practice it becomes second nature.
What are three things that come to your mind that you are happy for/about right now? Don’t over think the question and you can even jot them down if you want. These three things most likely are something that make you happy, feel accomplished or content. Maybe it’s a position you’ve worked hard to have at your job, maybe it’s getting your child or pet to learn a certain skill, maybe it’s your home or a milestone with your health. What ever it is let yourself focus on these three things for a minute and allow yourself to feel good about having them. These are great achievements!
Don’t allow yourself to feel lost like you are living life on a day-to-day basis. Allow yourself to be happy in the now. Savor and enjoy all the beautiful things around you! Life is hard and you deserve to be happy in life and with yourself. Won’t you let yourself be happy in the now today? You’ve got this!
- Happy People Make Me Happy
Surround yourself with happy people. Make your feed happy. Follow happy people and people that motivate you on Instagram and Social Media. Fill your inbox and your mind with stories of kindness, motivational quotes and things that make YOU smile.
We can’t control everyone around us and it’s ok for people to have a difference of opinions, but, you might consider weaning yourself away from people that constantly complain or are negative. It is my experience these people will bring you down with them.
Sometimes people might not even realize how negative they are. I am not encouraging you to shun people by any means or end friendships. Maybe your happiness will rub off on them! I do think it’s ok to tell someone that they are being negative and that you’re trying to remove negativity from your life. If the behavior continues then only you can make a decision if they are a good fit in YOUR life.
We’ve all held a few pitty parties and that’s ok as long as you learn from your mistakes and move onto focusing back on the happy. Ive found a good way to do this is to make time each day for you even if it’s just something little like making yourself a cup of coffee how you like it in the morning or allowing yourself time to look out the window and daydream for five minutes before work or waking up your children. Allocating time for YOU is important for your wellbeing!
Invest in yourself today. It is ok and it is not selfish to put yourself first for just a few minutes and breath. You can do it right now even. Try closing your eyes and focus on something that makes your smile…maybe it’s puppies chasing a ball or kittens playing with yarn, riding your favorite amusement park ride, watching your children play or biting into that yummy slice of homemade pizza (or whatever type of food you enjoy). Whatever your happy is let yourself focus on your happy thought for a few minutes and let go of everything else that is distracting you. Breath and enjoy the moment. I’m not going to lie it takes practice sometimes because our minds tend to wander, but you can over times reprogram your mind to focus on the happy if you choose 🙂
From my experiences the happiest people aren’t the ones that have experienced a life of easy without hurt, we are just the ones that have learned how to file those bad memories in our mind and focusing on the happy. Do not allow yourself to not keep revisiting the painful things. Make each day what YOU want and if you want to be happy then make an effort to seek out the good in things/people around you. If you can’t see the sun shining then go be the sunshine!